Celebrating Resilience: Jess's Breastfeeding Journey
“I’ve had to do a lot of work on being kind to myself because I feel like that there was a bit of shame and guilt that I had placed on myself - that I wasn’t good enough and that I hadn’t successfully breastfed.”
Jess, with her brilliant career in TV and Media, is widely recognised for her contributions to shows like Totally Wild, Couch Time (Channel 11), Suns TV, and Surfing Australia TV. Currently, she shines bright at Channel 7 as a presenter on Queensland Weekender and serves as an MC for various events. While her profession has placed her in the spotlight, her most cherished role has been becoming the focal point of her three children's lives.
Residing in the picturesque Gold Coast, Jess embraces an active lifestyle with her family (a 7-year-old daughter, a 4-year-old son, and a 10-month-old son). They bond over sports, revel in the beauty of nature, and Jess maintains her mental well-being through regular Pilates and gym sessions, ensuring she remains energetic and strong for her little ones.
Although Jess had found success in her career and possessed a vibrant enthusiasm for life, it was in the realm of motherhood where she would once more confront the notion of "failure". Motherhood wasn't the first time she had experienced setbacks, yet she came to realise that framing these challenges as failures wasn't conducive to her journey. She believes, instead, in the determination to persevere, and learning when to surrender to the experience and go with the flow, and the commitment to doing what's best for both her and her baby.
Join us as we explore the remarkable journey of this resilient and inspiring woman's breastfeeding experience.
How long did you breastfeed for?
J: I maintained continuous breastfeeding for the first 4.5 years of parenthood, briefly practicing tandem feeding with my first two children. My daughter, who was just over 2 years old when my first son was born, had been weaned before his arrival, but she would occasionally request milk, and I cherished those moments when we all snuggled in bed, feeding together. She naturally stopped nursing a few months after his birth, but even until recently, she’ll cheekily expresses curiosity, saying, 'I remember it tastes so good, Mum, can I just have some?' My response has always been a firm 'no,' and we share a laugh over it.
I continued breastfeeding to support their immunity, finding it a comforting way to prevent illness and boost their overall health. I firmly believe that breastfeeding plays a significant role in enhancing immunity and safeguarding against illnesses.
Hey Jess, can you tell us about your breastfeeding journey?
J: Breastfeeding was incredibly challenging and overwhelming at the start, but after that, I absolutely loved it. I found it such a sacred and special way to bond with and nurture my children.
It was sentimental for me too. I remember my mum always telling me how much she loved breastfeeding. It was her favourite thing about being a mum in those early days, and she tandem fed my sister and I who are very close in age. I think when I became a mum, I wanted to have that same experience and to love breastfeeding as much as my mum did.
What did you find most challenging and overwhelming about your journey?
J: With my first child, it was a perfect storm of fear and panic, because she was deemed as ‘Failing to thrive’. I really dislike that term. It’s horrible. It plants so much self-doubt in you, in your capabilities to be able to breastfeed, and it makes you feel like, if you don’t do something immediately, your baby will suffer greatly.
I had significantly low supply, even though I was doing all the things to boost my supply: taking all the herbs, seeing a lactation consultant, pumping. I felt totally challenged. I was mentally and emotionally in a bleak dark place because I was chained to the couch, feeling like I was letting my child down and that I wasn’t doing the right thing by her. I felt like a failure.
What was the turning point for you when you could enjoy feeding?
J: We found out that all my kids have had tongue and lip ties, but even with treating that and doing all the things to boost my supply, I still didn’t have enough supply. It was only once I surrendered to the fact that I needed to do what worked best for our family and my mental health, which was to comp feed. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could be present, enjoy the breastfeeding process, bond with my baby, and enjoy this new little miracle and gift that had entered our lives.
What could have made this journey better for you?
J: Emphasis is placed on preparing and supporting expectant mothers for childbirth, but so often, first-time mums still find themselves navigating uncharted waters. You step into motherhood feeling somewhat clueless, assuming the breastfeeding process will naturally fall into place because it's supposed to be an instinctive, seamless, and beautiful bond with your child. At least, that's what I anticipated. However, there's a noticeable scarcity of readily available information and support, unless you know to actively seek it out or have someone in your life who's given you a heads-up about the potential challenges, especially during those early days and the first few months.
Those first few months were stressful, and I felt like we were missing all those precious moments that you never get back. But in saying that, I’ve had to do a lot of work on being kind to myself because I feel like that there was a bit of shame and guilt that I had placed on myself - that I wasn’t good enough and that I hadn’t successfully breastfed and done the best for my child. I’ve experienced that with all my three kids, but I have to do a lot of work on reminding myself that I’m a great mum and I need to be kind to myself, and I’m doing what is best for my child and for me and for our family.
What is the downside of breastfeeding for you?
J: Those early days when you’re feeding around the clock building your supply, setting your alarm in the middle of the night to wake your baby to feed and making sure your baby is putting on enough weight, can feel overwhelming and not pleasant at times. But eventually you hit the stage when you and bub get into your breastfeeding groove, and it all becomes a lot more enjoyable.
So, the Positives outweigh those Negatives?
J: Absolutely. I’m going to try and breastfeed for as long as possible with my third baby. I’m feeling so grateful that I’ve been given this opportunity to have this third little person. I feel like I’m savouring every single moment, not wishing anything away, even the tough hard challenging parts (the sleep deprivation and all those things), because I know how quickly it passes, and how precious the moments are.
As much as every stage and phase of their journey has amazing bits to it, I am never going to get this newborn baby experience back, ever again. He’s such a chiller, such a sweet soul. Staring into his beautiful face, playing with his little toes, looking at the dimples on top of his little hands, smelling him, even watching my older kids doting on him. They say the third baby is the baby for the family and that really rings true. It’s been amazing to see how much joy he has brought to our dynamic.
As a mother of two, you may not think you have the capacity or space in your heart to love anyone else, but as soon as your next child comes along your heart expands and makes room for them. I am so much more relaxed this third time. It’s chaotic, but I’m not stressing so much about perfect sleep times.
Did you feel uncomfortable feeding in public?
J: With my first child, I was very conscious of breastfeeding in public, because she had a lot of trouble latching. She would get distressed, which would cause me to get uptight. Then at the stage when babies grow more aware, she would get easily distracted by people and sounds. She would be constantly pulling off and twisting around to look. I originally felt self-conscious that my nips were continuously on display. By the time my next two kids came around, I was definitely feeling a lot more confident, but it took a while before my care factor was non-existent.
What do you love most about breastfeeding.
J: The sense of connection and comfort I can provide is the best. And knowing that I’m providing incredible nutrition and building their immune systems. I wish you could press pause, and then bottle that feeling you get while they’re feeding, when they look you straight in the eyes and you feel like they’re looking into your soul and cracking you wide open. That sense of vulnerability and connection is so powerful.
Part 2. Advice to give to new mums starting their breastfeeding journey.
J: 1. Working with a great lactation consultant and naturopath can make a difference to your breastfeeding journey and experience. Naturopaths can recommend ways of boosting your supply. Lactation consultants can help you with your latch, provide guidance on the timing of breastfeeds, pumping and all those related things, and give you that reassurance that you’re doing a great job.
- Be kind to yourself and know that if you are finding breastfeeding daunting and difficult, know that you’re not failing your baby and you’re not alone.
- Hydration and good nutrition and resting, when possible, makes a big difference to your supply.
- When you’re first establishing breastfeeding, (no matter whether it’s the first or third baby), limit visitors and don’t feel guilty about cancelling plans or letting visitors know at the last minute. It’s helpful if it means you can focus on breastfeeding and/or get rest.
5. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t feel guilty if you need to comp feed or add formula or if you only get to breastfeed exclusively for a short period of time. It surprised me even with my third baby, I thought I didn’t care what other people think, but still recently I’ve felt guilt and shame around having to give him formula, which I know is ridiculous. If someone else had said that too me, I’d tell them to be kind to themselves and that they’re doing an amazing job. But we can be our own worst enemies and put so much pressure on ourselves. - Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed and gather information from too many sources. Pick your own trusted support group - a handful of people in your life that you can get advice from without being bombarded with conflicting opinions. For me, I had an incredible midwife and a handful of mum friends who had been through it all with similar experiences. You’ll need them to call on when you are in the trenches.
Generally, Brand New Mums will not have enough support and knowledge.